Hi! I’m Earth…Have we met?

Obviously not.  Here is some proof that there really are life forms from other planets here on Earth.  Many of them hold key positions in our Government:

  1. Nancy Pelosi – Definitely not an Earthling.  How can she be the Speaker of the House if she has no grasp of the United States Constitution or its Amendments?  People who speak out at Tea Parties and Town Halls are “un-American”?!?!  Really?  Honey, when you are tick, tick, ticking along in your stilettos through the Rotunda today, you might want to stop and read the part about “Freedom of Religion, Expression…”.  I know you’ve been busy (what with picking out the colors for the upholstery and carpeting in your new jets) and it may seem like a lot to ask, but you wouldn’t look like such an idiot next time.
  2. Obama’s former physician – Dear Dr. Whatever-your-name-is, why do you find that it is “embarrassing” that the only nation in the world that does not have universal health care is the United States of America?  Is it also “embarrassing” that our cancer survival rates are higher than any other nation in the world?  Is it “embarrassing” that we do not throw our mentally handicapped citizens into run-down asylums to rot?  Is it “embarrassing” that leaders of many foreign nations come to our country to receive the best health care on Earth?  I’m certain you aren’t “embarrassed” when you cash your paycheck.  After all, if you were you would be practicing medicine in a less “embarrassing” country.
  3. AARP – Not every American over the age of 50 suffers from Alzheimer’s or some form of age-related dementia.  That being said, you do not need to talk to them as though they are morons. They fully understand their rights, many of them have actually read the Health Care Reform bill (or the only copy available to the public at the present time).  Many of the people who attended the meeting in which your representative was a condescending, snarky bitch served our country in the military.  How dare she address them with less respect than she would give to her dog!
  4. Obama – Here in the Rocky Mountain states we have these pesky little critters called “Rattle Snakes”.  We tend to walk through tall grass or over rocks with our eyes on the Earth before us.  When we want to check out the scenery, we stop and take in the beauty of the world around us.  Walking around with your nose in the air can be deadly.  What you are doing to this country is essentially creating snakes in the grass that may come to bite you in the ass somewhere down the road.  My advice to you, dear Barack, is to turn your elitist nose down to the Earth.  Tread carefully through the pasture, take smaller steps.  The political career you save may be your own.  Oh, I’m sorry…as the Saviour of the Free World you probably hover above the grass. What was I thinking?