Channeling Maureen Dowd…

Yesterday I decided to try a “social experiment”.  What would life be like if I spent each day as a clairvoyant champion of the oppressed masses?  Here is how it went:

I went to a large discount grocery chain.  After the cashier took my cash and placed it into her drawer, she “forgot” to hand me my change.  “Hmmm”, I thought, “it can only be because she has determined that I am a dirty biker bitch with too many tattoos.  She hates me.  Her fear and disdain are clearly revealed by her unwillingness to give me what is rightfully mine.”  I took 2 aspirin.

My next stop was the gas station.  I pre-paid inside (as per the instructions on the pump) and proceeded to fill my car.  I had given the attendant a $20 but only pumped $15 dollars worth of gas.  I went back into the store to get my change.  Four other customers were in the store and I had to wait a while to get the $5 I was owed.  This was a case of prejudice, pure and simple.  The other customers were white, middle class men and I am a heavily tattooed, denim-wearing woman with a cowhide purse.  He obviously is an anti-fur, skin purist with a hatred for anyone in jeans and cowboy boots.  Two more aspirin and an Ibuprofen taken with the Diet Coke I purchased with my change.  Whew!

Final stop – a fast-food burger joint.  I drove up to the order “window” and gave my choices to the disjointed voice coming from the speaker.  A confirmation of my order popped up on the screen.  Having taken an Evelyn Wood Speed Reading Course in my previous life as a Yuppie, I was able to confirm that it was correct.  I dug through my “evil cowhide purse” to find the exact amount of change (I did not want to go through the humiliation I had suffered earlier) and pulled up to the “2nd window, please!”.  (As an aside – never attempt to go to a drive-thru after polyurethaning kitchen cabinets in a closed room.  Long story 🙂 )  The standard “cash for cholesterol” exchange took place and I was on my way home.  I opened the bag and prepared to dig into my double cheese extra onion no lettuce extra secret sauce burger.  Crap!  Lettuce!  If I wanted a freakin’ salad I would have ordered one!  A blatantly biased action taken by a take-out clerk who has a hatred for heavily tattooed, auburn-haired middle aged women who drive 19-year-old cars and have cowhide purses.  2 more Ibuprofen and a beer!!!

You know what, Maureen, it is way too much work being you.  The anger and hatred gave me a migraine.  Seeing things that aren’t there hurts my eyes.  One can read prejudice into any situation if you twist it to fit your personal agenda.

Sometimes, darlin’, an honest mistake is simply that…