Category Archives: General McChrystal

Thank You?…not so much

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After last night’s address to the nation concerning his Afghan Strategy, the Anointed One received many notes of thanks from around the globe:

Dear President Obama,

Thank you so much for the information concerning your projected date of withdrawal from Afghanistan.

Your advice is of great import to us as it will save our Brothers much time and effort.  We can now concentrate on training our troops, stockpiling weapons and recruitment for a future takeover of Afghanistan.

In the meantime, we will continue to rest in Pakistan.  This is sorely needed as we have been fighting for many years and our bones are weary.

In closing, we have one favor to ask you.  Do you think you might find it in your heart to send us a Wii?  The nights are long and television sucks here.

With great respect and appreciation,

THE TALIBAN

Here’s one from an unnamed Afghani National Guardsman:

Mr. President,

Thank you sooo much for letting us know in advance that we are SCREWED.  Your half-assed commitment to our cause is truly heartwarming.

Last night 200 recruits fled into the night.  I believe I heard them say they were going to Pakistan to play Wii with the Taliban.  I have no idea what this means, but it doesn’t sound good.

Anonymous in Afghanistan

Then there was this one from our European Allies:

Barack,

Are you f***ing serious!?!?

Good Lord, man, do you really expect us to commit more troops to Afghanistan when you have given up before you even start?  Why should anyone back your play when you are clearly not interested in victory?

We will have to think long and hard about putting more young men and women in harm’s way for a cause that even the United States of America does not believe in.  You will be hearing from us in, oh, ninety days or so…

And, finally:

Mr. President, Sir:

I am writing to express my deep appreciation for your commitment to our Armed Forces.  My fellow Marines and I were able to watch your speech on Fox this morning.

We especially enjoyed the part when you said we will be getting some relief by 2010.  I never realized what a funny guy you are.  Maybe you can invite my family over for a beer after my funeral.

A United States Marine

What the…?!?!?!

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You know you laughed, I heard you laugh
You laughed, you laughed and laughed and then you left
But now you know I am utterly MAD
And…They’re coming to take me away HAHA
They’re coming to take me away HOHO HEHE HAHA
To the happy home with trees and flowers and chirping birds and basket weavers
Who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes
And they’re comin to take me away HAHAAA

For those of you born after 1970, that quote is from the song Funny Farm by Dr. Demento.  However, it could become an anthem for those of us in the nose-bleed section going “HUH?!?!”

The Annointed One is no longer just the Saviour of the United States of America, he is now officially the Saviour of the Entire World. Really?  Reality check – he was nominated 2 weeks after he took the Oath of Office (the second, official time…not the first screwed up time 😉 ).  How the hell do you nominate someone who hasn’t had enough time in office to figure out the phone system?  Now, if they gave a Nobel Prize for Apologizing, I could see their point.

Of course this means Date Night in Oslo…

BUT, we need to realize that we can’t just spend money willy-nilly on goofy things like, uhm, sending more troops to Afghanistan. According to the Gibbs-bot Model 2009, this expenditure needs careful scrutiny.

Then there’s the f****d-up logic the Left is using to justify spending $890-some-odd-billion on a Health Care bill that most of us don’t want. It is the same logic I have used to justify spending $40 on a new pair of shoes.  “But, honey, they were on sale.  So, actually, I saved $20!”  Baucus is centering on the $91 billion savings.  Senator, sweetheart, IT’S AN $890 BILLION EXPENSE THAT WE CANNOT AFFORD FOR A PROGRAM MOST OF US DON’T WANT! Well, we aren’t sure if we don’t want it because we aren’t allowed to read the damned thing.  We might want it, you never know.  But, maybe we’ll hate it…then we are stuck with it…

They’re coming to take me away HAHAA…

Back to the Afghanistan mess…Obama thinks that we can trust the Taliban to be good little terrorists and promise…no, pinky swear…that they will not try to take over the government in Afghanistan.  Cross their hearts and hope to die!  AND, the Taliban would never ever fund Al Quaeda again if we leave Afghanistan…never ever EVER. Wow, I can see why he got that Nobel Peace Prize.

They’re coming to take me away HOHO HEHE HAHAA…

Sunday “Funnies”?

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When is enough too much?  I think I’ve reached that point this morning.

  1. If you thought the “Battle Hymn of the Obamanation” crossed the line, click on this link – http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/09/25/new-jersey-school-district-stranger-national-spotlight/. Just make sure you have some Excedrin™ handy.
  2. Obama has shelved General McChrystal’s request for more troops in Afghanistan.  Excuse me?  My nephew is in Afghanistan.  Barack, you appointed the General to advise you on matters such as troop strength, enemy activities, etc.   Why?  So you can listen to your political homies and hang our troops out to dry.  As a family member of one of those troops, if I ever hear you make another speech about how proud you are of the men and women serving our country in combat, I think I’ll puke.  Don’t even open your mouth because you are so full of shit your breath stinks!  (I apologize for the language, but I am extremely angry about this.)
  3. Ahmadinejad fired more test missiles yesterday.  Is the need for a defensive missile shield becoming clear to you now?  Some things can’t be resolved over a burger and a beer, darlin’.
  4. Please, please, PLEASE stop campaigning!  Have you ever noticed that the only other political figures who constantly feel the need to “rally” their citizens the way you do are the psychotic dictators?  It is embarrassing.  Shut up and start listening to the People.  My Gramma used to say “You learn much more when your mouth is closed.“
  5. When is the next Tea Party in Colorado?  I’m there!!!