Through the Eyes of a Dreamer – The Speech President Obama Needs to Give

I don’t believe that the greatest dangers to the America we love lie in the big things.  Syria, Egypt, Iran, Russia, China – yes, there are major ramifications both militarily and fiscally if things cannot be dealt with, and soon.  Obamacare is another biggie.  So is the constant printing of more and more money to juice up confidence in the economy.  The NSA, IRS, Benghazi and Fast & Furious (“phony”) scandals are extremely important and creepy on a level that most conspiracy theorists have yet to fathom.  However, we would not have gotten to this point with the larger issues if we had been taking care of the smaller ones all along.

We need to mend from the inside out before we stop caring about our freedoms and allow the government to systematically take them away because we are apathetic.  We need to end our acceptance of responsibility for all of the faults we are constantly being told Americans possess.   We need to stop listening to the government and wake up the inner voice that made us the greatest nation on the planet for generations.  Furthermore, we need to call the POTUS on his avoidance tactics and hold him to working with us to solve the issues that have exacerbated this mess since he took office.

If Barry sincerely cared about his duties as President, he would restrain himself from making divisive remarks about cases that are best settled within the affected States.  He would surround himself with people to whom he owes nothing politically or personally – individuals with the strength of character to say “No” or to make suggestions that may not necessarily be popular with the West Wing crowd.  Maybe one of those people could honestly assess the tone of American citizens and the issues that are important to us would become important to Barry and Congress both.

So, with that being said, the speech Obama needs to give is this…

My fellow Americans, as President I have been to many states in this amazing country and spoken with people from all walks of life.  I know that I have not been as attentive to the small issues that affect our communities on a daily basis, and I could use many things as an excuse for this, but today is not the time for excuses.  Today is a time for working together toward becoming a whole nation once again.

Too many of our young people are dying from acts of violence, be they gang related or otherwise.  We must ask ourselves why these “children” are turning to outside influences such as gangs, television shows, video games and, on occasion, adults with bad intentions, instead of their families, teachers or members of the clergy.  Is it that these people are no longer available to them?  Is it that the constant use of race as a reason for violent acts on the part of people from all races gives the sense of justification to otherwise senseless acts?  Does it create hatred which spawns retaliation, which in turn creates more violence?  I believe all of these factors have contributed to the problem.  

Since most violent crimes involve illegal firearms, I am proposing today that all states, as well as Congress, review the laws concerning sentencing for those who commit violent crimes while in possession of an illegal fire arm.  I believe these laws need to be far stricter than they are and the length of the sentences should be increased with parole no longer being an option.  Sentences for those involved in the sale of these weapons, and those possessing such guns should be strengthened, as well.  Where the federal government has no jurisdiction, and as relates to non-federal trials in the individual states, I believe that the Department of Justice should not involve itself in those cases nor should we, the government, second guess the decisions made by the citizenry of any state.

When it comes to the private life of the President, my staff works diligently to allow my wife and children their private time, without the intrusion of the media, public or even the government.  It has become clear to me that every law abiding citizen deserves the same respect.  How can you have faith in me or the government employees you pay to protect us if you feel as though you are being treated as the enemy?  Common sense will tell you that America does need some sort of system in place to stop acts of terrorism before they occur, however, stricter controls should be in place to ensure that only those found to be – either through personal observation or electronic surveillance – potentially dangerous to the citizenry need be surveyed via high tech means.  Congress has already begun to re-write certain aspects of the Patriot Act that will be available for public inspection two weeks prior to a vote, giving you time to comment to your Senator or Representative about these proposed revisions.

Lastly, the condition of the education system is far from desirable.  In the beginning of my first term I ended the voucher program due to budgetary concerns.  After several years, I have come to realize this program is necessary if we want those who would otherwise not have a chance at a good education to get one.  It is especially important in those areas of the country that are suffering from bad economic times or are located a long distance from the more successful institutions available to other students.  Parents should have the right to choose the best possible education for their children.  That being said, the governors of all 50 states are being asked to create legislation to submit to their respective Congresspersons that provides for voucher programs.  I am confident that we will have a 100% success rate and vouchers will be available in all 50 states by the next calendar year.

There are many more issues that affect the personal lives of all of us.  I have touched on only a few today.  My pledge to you is that I will address more issues each month and give a reporting to the nation of the status of those solutions already being worked on.  No longer will I be the President who avoids the day-to-day issues of my fellow citizens.  I hope to be the President who jumped in with both feet and helped to heal our nation from the inside out.

Show of hands if you think this would ever happen…yeah, me either.

Martin Bashir Really Gets Me

Things have been weighing heavily upon my mind of late.  My conscience is not clear.  It is true that secrets can poison the soul and I have been keeping plenty of them.

Today I need to clean my spiritual closet lest Karma slam me three-fold into an oncoming bus.  I have a confession to make…

I am a racist.

Yes, I know you are all shocked by this revelation.  I was, too.  In fact, I denied it until Martin Bashir shone the light upon my dirty little secret.  Here are some horrid examples of my racist attitude that I need to share in order to feel cleansed…

  • I do not like Famous Amos™ cookies.  Lord help me, I prefer Pepperidge Farm™.
  • I buy Mrs. Butterworth’s™ syrup, not Aunt Jemima™, because it has a more buttery taste.  Mr. Bashir would most likely conclude that I am subconsciously denying the buttery flavor of Aunt Jemima’s™ product because I am racist.
  • I own a black cat.  BLATANTLY racist!  I know she owns me (as all cats do their humans), but fall back on the same slavery-based language of owning a being that is darker in color than I.  Unforgivable!
  • I have the audacity to adhere to the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.”  I give everyone a chance to do right or fuck up – equally.
  • I believe that the New Black Panthers are no better than the Ku Klux Klan.  I despise them equally.
  • I do not trust or respect Barack Obama.  I feel he is a bad leader for this nation.  Mr. Obama’s policies have taken our nation down two thousand notches in the eyes of the world.  His stubborn refusal to remove people who have damaged our reputation and, either secretly or with flags waving and bands playing, sought to suppress the thoughts of those with opposing points of view disgusts me.  Pure racism.  How do I not end my life now?
  • Oh, and I am no fan of Bill Clinton, either.  Since he was our “first Black President”, I’m certain this adds to the repulsion you all must feel at my declining moral temperature.
  • I detest people who apply the label “Uncle Tom” to intelligent, hard-working, respectable people such as Dr. Ben Carson, Lt. Col. Allen West and Mr. Herman Cain.  They are men to be emulated, not ridiculed simply because they are African Americans and should “know better”.  They do know better – that’s why they are Conservatives. 🙂

Does anyone else see the absurdity in all of this?  Am I alone in thinking that you can dislike what a person does simply because of what they do and NOT because of the color of their skin?  Why is this always the fallback argument?

Barack Obama is not a delicate flower.  He chose to go into politics and he HAD to know that not everyone would agree with him every day.  Why can’t his supporters accept the fact that most people believe that his policies suck big hairy frog balls because they suck big hairy frog balls.  Not because he is half African American.  When he fucks up and the Liberals are mad at him (AP wiretapping, James Rosen, Verizon records seizure, Benghazi, etc.) is it then because he is half white?

Follow the RED Brick Road

Never being one to adhere to convention, when watching The Wizard of Oz as a child I always wondered where the Red Brick Road led.  I imagined that the horrors found on the Yellow path might have paled in comparison to those along the Red.

red brick road

As a “grown up in physical age only” (GUPAO), I find myself comparing the adventures of Dorothy and Toto on their mission to find the Wizard to the power of the current administration to deflect our attention from their true intentions.  Those she met along the way were either a) inherently evil; b) lacking empathy; c) unable to think without directions from a more “educated” or charismatic being; or d) fearful of speaking out against the abuses of power that grab at your gut and alert you to the dangers of usurping the true meaning of the Constitution.  The only good character spoke in riddles and did not reveal the knowledge she held until after they had been through hell and back.  Or Dorothy just chose not to listen to reason because she was awed by the pomp and circumstance, seduced by the Emerald City at the end of the road.

Of course, Dorothy did not begin her journey along the Yellow Brick Road without encouragement and testimonials from those gathered in the town square.  There was the Lollypop Guild (Union), The Lullaby League (an organization dedicated to lull her into a sense of security), various politicians, and the Main Stream Media (town crier).  All appeared to toe the party line.

What if Dorothy had decided that the information being fed to her in rapid fire confusion just did not sit right?  What if she chose her own path – the Red Brick Road?  Let’s suppose that a journey along that road began with a pocket Constitution and a print-out of the Declaration of Independence.  Of course, the villagers would walk away, shaking their heads in disgust.  Dorothy and Toto would be outcasts in a land of “group think”.

So, in choosing the path of free thought, freedom to worship whomever whenever you choose and the right to protect one’s self and his/her family, Dorothy set off with the belief that she was a free individual who could survive without government assistance or intervention.  This would prove to be more difficult than she imagined.

DorothyWithAuntEm-2

The first attempt by the “Yellow Brick Roaders” (YBRs) to dissuade her from continuing was to play upon her familial responsibilities.  If Dorothy remained on her current course, and others followed her lead, who would pay for Obamacare?  Oh, Secretary Sebelius was doing okay with her fundraising efforts, but the tax dollars earned from the family farm were necessary, too.  Dorothy could be condemning Auntie Em to a life without food stamps, Medicare, Social Security and responsible physicians to evaluate when care for Auntie Em was no longer fiscally viable.  How dare she!  But, Dorothy knew her aunt quite well and ignored the ploy to cajole her to turn back towards the road to dependence upon government.

Along the Red Brick Road, Dorothy noticed people working hard, communities that supported each other and an overriding belief that the Constitution is the law of the land.  The YBRs would have none of that.  They unleashed their most feared weapon upon Dorothy and the villagers – the IRS…

witch and flying monkey

Of course, though orchestrated by the Witch, the flying monkeys did the dirty work.  They messed up paperwork, requested information to which they were not entitled, hid documents in trees where no one could access them and caused delays in processing requests for 501(c) 3 and 4 entities for months – even years.  With the Constitution as their guide, the villagers began a long, arduous fight against the witch and her minions.  Once Dorothy was certain they had things under control, she and Toto continued down the road.

For a day or so, the duo enjoyed a leisurely stroll down the Red Brick Road taking in the scenery and thinking of those they left at home.  To her left, Dorothy saw the most beautiful field dotted with colorful flowers and chose to veer off the path.  Toto tried to warn her, but Dorothy wanted some of the flowers to bring home to Auntie Em.

Dorothy-In-the-Poppy-Field-the-wizard-of-oz-4640408-1024-768

As soon as she entered the field, Dorothy became extremely tired, lay down and fell into a deep sleep.  At first, the voice of the Anointed One sounded like that of an angel – soothing tones and logical rhetoric.  But, something changed.  His voice became more defensive and condescending.  “I think when you spread the wealth around it’s good for everybody”, “After a century of striving, after a year of debate, after a historic vote, health care reform is no longer an unmet promise.  It is the law of the land.”, “It’s not surprising, then, they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.” – Barack Hussein Obama.  This new tone of voice jarred Dorothy out of her slumber and back to reality.  She now knew, if only for a moment, what it felt like to drink the Kool Aid™.  It was an empty, desperate feeling she hoped never to experience again.

“I know, Toto, I screwed up.”  Toto looked up at Dorothy and wagged his tail.  Lesson learned.  If it looks too good to be true, it probably is.

Not long after the “Poppy Incident”, they came across a group of individuals who seemed quite lost.  A lion, a scarecrow and a man made of tin.  After what seemed like hours of round about conversation, Dorothy finally understood the dilemma the three found themselves in.  The tin man had lost all empathy after being forced to assist in a cover-up of the murder of an American diplomat and three others in Libya.  The words he was ordered to repeat to the world over and over again became truth in his mind and heart.  He was having a hard time regaining his humanity.

The lion was fearful of losing his income, pension and standing in the YBR community if he did not support the views of the administration both publicly and in private.  He knew of attempts to bypass legal channels in order to step on the First Amendment Rights of journalists who resided within or on the fringes of the YBR and he did not want that kind of misery to befall him.

The scarecrow had been a political appointee of the Anointed One and had lost the ability to think for himself.  He parroted their talking points regarding the Embassy in Libya on several news shows and his brain had atrophied due to constant misuse.

dorothy and her friends

Fearing there was nothing she could do for them, Dorothy brought the trio to the villagers in hopes that their faith in what the RBR stood for might help her new found friends get on the road to recovery.

Dorothy and Toto were coming to the end of their journey.  She had learned much about the strength of communities and the importance of maintaining your individuality.  She was even stronger in her conviction that the Constitution was meant to protect individual citizens from their government, not give the government a tool to oppress the citizens.  It was not a “living, breathing document”, it was written in a way that it could be applied – as is – today just as it could over 200 years ago.

When they got to the end of  the road, a mountain range was visible in the background.  The sun was setting behind them.   An eagle soared over the largest American Flag Dorothy had ever seen.  “Toto”, she said, “we are finally home.”

Apology not accepted

Let us file this under “Make sure brain is engaged before putting mouth in gear.”…

dumb bitch 2

The children who died had nothing to do with politics…

Just Wild About Harry?

business harry

Looks like Senator Harry Reid will need to go to yoga classes.  He’s going to have to learn the “Bend over, put your head between your legs and KISS YOUR ASS GOOD-BYE!” position pretty damned quick.

Even though the Anointed One accepted Harry’s apology (purely for the sake of party unity, I’m sure), I don’t think the voters in Nevada will be so kind.  In their book Game Change Unabridged, John Heilemann and Mark Halperin reported the following:

Reid “was wowed by Obama’s oratorical gifts and believed that the country was ready to embrace a black presidential candidate, especially one such as Obama — a ‘light-skinned’ African American ‘with no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one,’ as he said privately.

Isn’t it funny how Obama’s typical “rush to judgment” tendencies were on vacation when that little faux pax by Reid was made public, but he instantly came to the conclusion that Cambridge Police “acted stupidly”.  Seems to me that Harry Reid’s comments were racist, period.  No investigation necessary.  Talk about “acting stupidly”.

Even my “favorite” little Liberal, Janeane Garofalo, has been remarkably quiet.  I fully expected to see her plastered all over the news crying foul against Harry.  After all, she has an uncanny ability to sniff out racism in places it doesn’t exist.  Here’s a no brainer, sweetie.  What?  No snarky Harry Reid jokes?

Racial remarks seem to be running rampant in the Democrat’s upper echelon.  According to Heilemann and Halperin, the ever-entertaining former President Hillary’s Husband is guilty:

[A]s Hillary bungled Caroline, Bill’s handling of Ted was even worse. The day after Iowa, he phoned Kennedy and pressed for an endorsement, making the case for his wife. But Bill then went on, belittling Obama in a manner that deeply offended Kennedy. Recounting the conversation later to a friend, Teddy fumed that Clinton had said, A few years ago, this guy would have been getting us coffee.

Hmmm, Billy.  Would he have been doing that from above or below the desk? 😉

Since Teddy is dead (oh, and by the way, so is Michael Jackson…in case you hadn’t heard…yup…still dead…), there is really no way to confirm whether or not these comments were actually made.  I tend to believe it, though, since they were spot-on about Harry.

I know my Liberal friends (and family) will be quick to point out that this book also contains stories about Cindy McCain,  Sarah Palin and others in the Republican party.  I can’t wait to read those myself.  However, my focus is on the two-faced attitude in Washington today.  The Dems have ripped Michael Steele for being an “Uncle Tom”, called Tea Party Protestors “redneck racists”, and taken every opportunity to attack any anti-Anointed One comment as racially motivated.  You see, we can’t just disagree with Obama because his policies are ridiculous.  There has to be some sort of ulterior motive.  We can’t possibly oppose his ideology and want an intellectual debate about the issues.  We must have a racial agenda (and white sheets hanging in our closets, if you listen to Janeane).

Two-faced party-line politics such as this do qualify as one of the Anointed One’s “teachable moments”.  I have learned that, more than ever before, we need to vote them all (Democrats, Republicans and Independents alike) out of office and start with a clean slate.

2009 “Bite Me” Awards

Welcome to the Inaugural Bite Me Awards show.  The Bite Me was conceived in my warped little mind by a majority of my alternate personalities during a marathon game of Beer Pong.  Obviously, I lost.  The award reflects my views on the major events that occurred during 2009.   So, if you don’t agree with my selection of Bite Me recipients, BITE ME 😉

  • The first Bite Me goes to DHS Secretary Janet Napolitano.   She hemmed and hawed when asked if she had reviewed both the Terror Watch List and No-Fly List.  Well, of course she didn’t have time to perform this “minor” task.  Secretary Napolitano was too busy compiling a list of her own.  This one included returning Veterans, members of certain religious organizations, members of the VFW and American Legion, members of the NRA and people affiliated with several grass-roots organizations throughout the United States.  It is entitled the “Domestic Terror Watch list”.  Janet – BITE ME!!!
  • Speaker Nancy Pelosi – Poor thing.  She is obviously operating under the delusion that she is the be-all to end all in the world of…well, in the World PERIOD.  Speaker Pelosi gets a special Bite Me for equating Tea Party protestors to the hateful, anti-gay murderer of Harvey Milk in the 1970’s.
  • Senator Harry Reid (D-NV) has earned an award for this enlightened statement made in reference to the special deals given to certain Senators in order to pass the Health Care Reform bill – “I don’t know if there is a senator that doesn’t have something in this bill that was important to them.  And if they don’t have something in it important to them, then it doesn’t speak well of them.”  Really?  I think this ignorance deserves a very special award for going above and beyond the normal degree of elitist bullshit – the coveted “Constitution?  We don’t need no stinkin’ Constitution!” Award.

Harry, Harry, Harry…read Article I, Section 8, ¶1.  It appears to me that Congress is in clear violation of Constitutional Law.  Just to make it easy on you, I will quote the referenced section:

“The Congress shall have Power to lay and collect Taxes, Duties, Imposts and Excises, to pay the Debts and provide for the common Defence and general Welfare of the United States; but all Duties, Imposts and Excises SHALL BE UNIFORM THROUGHOUT THE UNITED STATES:…”

In other words, darlin’, by making some states exempt from paying certain taxes, etc., you have created an atmosphere of inequity and, thus, are in violation of the law as set forth in the Constitution on September 17, 1787.  (Not to mention that little Tenth Amendment thingy.)  Hey, but what do I know?  I’m just a girl.

  • Attorney General Eric Holder gets a Big Apple style “YO!  Bite Me!”  for transferring the terror trials from military to civilian jurisdiction; a) placing undue burdens on the economies of both New York City and the nation as a whole; b) putting NYC residents, 9/11 Victims’ Families, first responders and, again, the entire country through the emotional turmoil of watching scum like KSM and his buddies spew their hatred in open court; and c) giving terrorists the opportunity to learn even more about our security methods and interrogation techniques.  I believe that you and your boss should be held personally liable if it is proven that any future attacks against American Citizens on American Soil were made possible as a direct result of knowledge obtained by terrorists via court transcripts from these trials once they have taken place.
  • A “Mini Bite Me” goes to both NYC Police Commissioner Ray Kelly (whom I used to have a great respect for) and NYC Mayor Bloomberg for thinking the trials are a good idea.
  • No Bite Me Awards show would be complete without a Redneck, Racist, Gun Owning, Sea Kitten Hatin’, Tea Party Astro-Turfer Bite Me for my favorite Diva of Dementia – Janeane Garofalo!  Unfortunately, Ms. Garofalo could not be here to accept her award in person as she is currently undergoing treatment for depression after learning that both Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin made the New York Times Bestseller List.  We have arranged for a can of Dolphin-safe Tuna to accept this award on her behalf.  (Well, at least there’s a chance the Tuna might say something funny.)

Well, folks, we have come to the part of the evening you have all been waiting for.  In a moment we will award the most prestigious prize to the individual most deserving of our love and respect…according to Him, anyway.  This year’s recipient has had a lifetime of n0n-achievement that has spanned the globe – from the Menteng region of Jakarta to the State of Hawaii he has avoided, evaded, organized, lectured, campaigned and fundraised his way into the highest office in the land. Some of you know him as Barry, Bam, The One or Rock.  Here he is, folks…President Barack Hussein (Soetoro?) Obama II!!!!!!!  Excuse me…What?…Really?  Okay, okay…

Sorry, folks.  It seems the Anointed One will not be here tonight.  As with other important events, he has chosen to play golf instead of accepting responsibility.  Never fear!  We have done well without him so far.  I’m sure we can do without him now and in the future.

I will now present the Bite My Tattooed Ass Award to He Who Walks on Water in absentia.  Barack was chosen for this honor in part because of moments such as:

  • The Beer Summit debacle – His comments 6 days after this incident were classic:
    • “I don’t know, not having been there and not seeing all the facts,…” (He should have shut up at that point, but NO!) “…what role race played in that [Gates case].  But I think it is fair to say, number one, any of us would be pretty angry; number two, that the Cambridge police acted stupidly in arresting somebody when there was already proof that they were in their own home; and, number three, what I think we know separate and apart from this incident is that there’s a long history in this country of African-Americans and Latinos being stopped by law enforcement disproportionately.  That’s just a fact.”  (Jeepers, Wally.  Seems like the Beav was just a tad out of control there, huh?)
    • Apology Tours I, II and (who could forget Copenhagen) III.  Not to mention the pre-election, “I’m running for leader of the World” Campaign Apology-in-Advance Tour.
    • How ‘bout those heart-wrenching “get me some ICY HOT™ my back hurts” moments when our beloved President bowed before (oops, meant to say “ inspected the shoes of”) two foreign leaders.
    • Last, but certainly not least, the “Do I Really have to interrupt my freakin’ golf game for THIS!?!?” comments made during his oh-so-greatly-deserved vacation in Hawaii in which the Anointed One referred to the Underwear Bomber (gotta love the warm, fuzzy nick names the press gives to terrorists bent on the destruction of our society) as an “isolated extremist”.  Hmmm…that’s funny.  Nidal Hasan was also an “isolated extremist”.  But, didn’t they both communicate with the same Imam?  Gee, babe, they don’t seem so isolated to me.  I’m just sayin’…

That concludes our awards show this evening.  Thank you all for taking the time to be here with me to celebrate the accomplishments of all of our honorees.

I would like to wish each and every one of you (even Ben 🙂 ) a wonderful, safe and Happy New Year’s Eve.  My heart is with our brave men and women serving our nation overseas and at home.