After last night’s address to the nation concerning his Afghan Strategy, the Anointed One received many notes of thanks from around the globe:
Dear President Obama,
Thank you so much for the information concerning your projected date of withdrawal from Afghanistan.
Your advice is of great import to us as it will save our Brothers much time and effort. We can now concentrate on training our troops, stockpiling weapons and recruitment for a future takeover of Afghanistan.
In the meantime, we will continue to rest in Pakistan. This is sorely needed as we have been fighting for many years and our bones are weary.
In closing, we have one favor to ask you. Do you think you might find it in your heart to send us a Wii? The nights are long and television sucks here.
With great respect and appreciation,
Here’s one from an unnamed Afghani National Guardsman:
Thank you sooo much for letting us know in advance that we are SCREWED. Your half-assed commitment to our cause is truly heartwarming.
Last night 200 recruits fled into the night. I believe I heard them say they were going to Pakistan to play Wii with the Taliban. I have no idea what this means, but it doesn’t sound good.
Anonymous in Afghanistan
Then there was this one from our European Allies:
Are you f***ing serious!?!?
Good Lord, man, do you really expect us to commit more troops to Afghanistan when you have given up before you even start? Why should anyone back your play when you are clearly not interested in victory?
We will have to think long and hard about putting more young men and women in harm’s way for a cause that even the United States of America does not believe in. You will be hearing from us in, oh, ninety days or so…
Mr. President, Sir:
I am writing to express my deep appreciation for your commitment to our Armed Forces. My fellow Marines and I were able to watch your speech on Fox this morning.
We especially enjoyed the part when you said we will be getting some relief by 2010. I never realized what a funny guy you are. Maybe you can invite my family over for a beer after my funeral.
A United States Marine