In 1961 unto the world was born a child. And God claimed this child as his own, bestowing upon him special gifts. Amongst these gifts were great political savvy, eloquent speech and the power to lull the masses into a false sense of security.
Through many trials and tribulations, the child grew to manhood. He used his gifts to organize communities so they could be, well, organized! He penned mighty tomes extolling the virtues of, uh, himself. He gifted the State Senate of Illinois with his “Present”s and gathered Acorns with which to grow mighty.
Under God’s watchful eye, the chosen child walked upon the waters of Lakes Michigan and Erie (and, honey, we aren’t talking about the old Lake Erie upon which mere mortals could traverse by foot, either), eventually heading southeast to the waiting arms of the United States Senate. Here he gave birth to the Mission of Hope and Change, sharing his vast wisdom and experience with those less knowing than he.
Sensing that God desired him to reach even higher, he sought a larger constituency. All but abandoning those whose Hope gave him a Change of address, he traveled the far reaches of our great land seeking believers willing to support his cause. And God was pleased.
But, being a wise God, he needed to test his chosen child one more time. He commanded that the ambient temperature of the planet be reduced by 3 degrees. And so it will be done…