Handbook for “A New America”

1.  In this new era of “change”, it is unacceptable to lump a group of fellow Americans into one category defined by Race, Religion, Socio-Economic Background or Political Ideology…unless you are Jeannine Garafalo.  Ms. Garafalo is OBVIOUSLY more in tune with the historic significance of the Boston Tea Party than any of the millions of protesters.  We should all kiss her Berkenstocks and hang our heads in shame.

2.  In this new era of “change”, it is unacceptable to dream of owning a small business in order to benefit yourself, your family or your community unless you intend to “share the wealth” with those who choose not to work at all.  If you dare to attempt to make your dreams a reality, be prepared to be over-taxed, arbitrarily investigated and harangued by the Media.

3.  In this new era of “change”, any frighteningly Socialistic statement made by the current Administration shall be deemed as having been “misconstrued” by Fox News and defended vehemently by Keith Oberman and the Gibbs-bot Model 2009.  All concerned citizens should immediately show the appropriate amount of shame for not believing said statements were meant “for the good of the people”.

4.  In this new era of “change”, all American citizens are to be appropriately ashamed of our freedom, values,  prosperity and Constitutional rights.  We are to apologize for being Americans at every opportunity and denegrate our country to any foreign citizen we encounter.

5.  All citizens of this New America shall summarily disregard any and all statements made by Nancy Pelosi or Barney Frank prior to 2009.  Specifically, but not limited to, statements made in support of CIA tactics used to prevent further “man created disasters” or statements made in opposition of overseeing bad practices on the part of the Banking Industry.

6.  We SHALL NOT refer to the murderers of innocent American Citizens and brave American Servicemen and women as “Terrorists”.  We SHALL NOT refer to acts of extreme violence against the U.S. as “Terrorist Attacks” and we SHALL NOT refer to the valiant efforts by our military to combat these extremist nut-jobs as the “War on Terror”.  We will now consider them to be “Disasters created by mislead citizens of nations oppressed by our obviously elitist country”.

7.  All textbooks shall now be reviewed by the new Truth Czar, Michael Moore, prior to publication.

8.  Lastly, any American who believes that the Constitution is the foundation upon which this great nation was built shall be deemed a redneck moron, and subject to reprogramming by our Truth Czar.

So say ye one, so say ye all…OR ELSE.

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